I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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