remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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