final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
