so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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