in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
