Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
