Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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