drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
