I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
