I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
