why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
