Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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