what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize