the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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