Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
