I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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