it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
