any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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