I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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