I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
