Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
