I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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