Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
