o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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