I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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