i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
