i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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