Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He better not be in your backpack
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
