too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
