you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're like the curious george of whores
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
