Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His nipple licking is glorious
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
