So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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