plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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