he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
