I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
