it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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