Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
