So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize