Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
