Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
