I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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