those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
