Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
