3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
