got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
