We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
