I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
