You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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