Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
