All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
