please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
