finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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