So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
