If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
