I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
