well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
