So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
please don't ironically join a cult
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