Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
