how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
