I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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