The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
