I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
