What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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