At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She bit a glass in half.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
