Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize