there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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