oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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