When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
