dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
