It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
