So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
